Everything Feels Harder Than It Should (Even When Life Looks Fine)

On paper, things look okay. Your friends and colleagues probably view you as the bloke who “has his shit together”.

You are working. Paying the bills. Showing up for family. Spending weekends with the kids and coaching sports. From the outside, nothing looks “wrong”.

But day to day, things have started to feel heavier than they should.

You are more tired than usual. Small things are starting to irritate you. Motivation comes and goes, plus you’ve started putting things off that never used to be a problem.

By the time you get home, you have nothing left to give.

A lot of men who see me in clinic would say they feel “flat”, “frustrated”, and that they’re “just over it”.

They don’t use the word “depressed”, and they rarely describe themselves as “anxious”.

They’re just worn down. It all just gets too much.

When coping becomes the default

Most men have a fairly standard approach to coping. They get on with things. Push through. Keep functioning. Often for years and years on end.

The problem is that effort that goes into coping takes up usable energy. When life keeps adding pressure without any real relief, that energy slowly drains.

Eventually, everything feels harder because your system is overloaded. Not broken. Just overloaded.

Think of it like this. You’re running an iPhone all day with dozens of apps open in the background. You’re making calls, replying to messages and getting things done. So it looks fine from the outside.

But every app and every action is draining the battery. Work stress, relationship strain, financial pressure, poor sleep. None of them crash the phone on their own. It is the ongoing combination of them that eventually leaves it unusable.

Everything slows down. Small tasks take more effort. You start conserving battery without realising it. Nothing is broken. Your system is just overloaded.

How this often shows up in men

Instead of sadness or panic, stress in men often looks like:

• Constant fatigue, even after resting

• Irritability or a short fuse

• Feeling really disconnected from people you care about

• Loss of interest in things that used to matter

• Avoidance, procrastination, and zoning out

• Drinking more, scrolling more, working more to switch off

  
  

Many men assume this is just adulthood. Or that they should be able to handle it. So they do what they know how to do. Push harder.

Pushing harder just makes it worse

Stress narrows your capacity to cope effectively. Decision making gets harder. Your emotional tolerance goes down and your ability to recover between competing demands disappears.

The more you push without addressing what is happening underneath, the more stuck you feel. This is usually the point where something needs attention, not more effort.

If you would say YES to the thought: “I just don’t feel like myself.” Then I’m talking about you.

It's ok. Something isn’t ‘seriously’ wrong

Feeling like this does not mean you are failing, weak, or that you’re “losing it”. It means your internal load no longer matches your external demands.

You’ve probably tried everything you can think of to deal with this. Or, you’ve just been avoiding it in the hope it magically fixes itself. Either way, you’ve run out of options.

Psychological therapy, when it works well, is not about digging endlessly into feelings, despite what many men think.

For most men, our focus at MensPsych is all about:

• Understanding what is actually draining you

• Learning how stress is showing up in your body and behaviour

• Rebuilding energy, clarity, and emotional health

• Making changes that are realistic and sustainable

  
  

Often, men say they feel relief just having a space where they don’t feel judged. This is important. But it’s not enough  to help things improve outside of the therapy room.

This is why we have a strong focus on skill building and problem solving. Ultimately, psychology is about getting you to a place where life feels more manageable again.

Success for us at MensPsych looks like you not coming back, because things are genuinely going better in your day to day life.

When it might be worth talking to someone

You don’t need to do this alone. You do not need to wait for a crisis.

If you thought “that’s me” when reading through this blog, that is reason enough.

Getting support earlier usually means fewer sessions, clearer goals, and better outcomes. It gives you a way forward that does not rely on just grinding through.

If you want to understand what is going on for you and work out next steps, we can help.

You do not need a label. You just need a place to start, and this is it.

Stay safe,

Ian.

MensPsych is not a crisis support service. Appropriate services can be reached 24 hours a day: Lifeline 13 11 14;Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467; Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800; MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78; Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636